As 2024 was coming to an end, I faced a difficult truth: I was stuck.

There I was, 30 years old, studying again, living in a small town far away from everything. A year and a half ago, I thought I had finally figured it out—found my passion, gone back to college, set myself on the “right” path. But now, that path felt more like a dead end. And the hardest part wasn’t just admitting that to myself, it was the fear of what others would think.

I wasn’t supposed to give up again. That thought alone kept me going for a while. But eventually, the weight of it became unbearable. I started feeling depressed. Burned out. Not only because of hard work—but because I no longer saw the point. The more time passed, the clearer it became: I wasn’t heading where I wanted to go.

So I asked myself: Am I thinking of dropping out because it’s too difficult, or am I staying because I’m afraid of uncertainty that comes after?
Maybe it was bit of both. But one thing was certain—I couldn’t keep waiting for my life to begin. I had to start living it now.

Break the Cycle

I have a bad habit of getting stuck—telling myself I can’t move forward until I finish what I started. But instead of progressing, I just end up rotting, trapped by my own fear of letting go even when that path no longer serves me.

I was unhappy not doing what I wanted to do. And yet, I was also terrified of actually doing it.

How do you solve that?

For me, it started with understanding that quitting doesn’t mean failure. In fact, staying in college had become a form of procrastination—an excuse to delay facing the real world. Once I realized that, it became obvious: I didn’t need a degree for the career I wanted. What was really holding me back was societal pressure—the belief that not having a degree makes me a failure.

That’s when I knew I had to stop lying to myself. Stop waiting. Stop preparing. Start doing.

Maybe this was also my annual New Year’s anxiety kicking in. Every year, I set ambitious goals: Make X amount of money. Achieve something grand. Completely change my life.

So this time, I set the bar even higher: Believe in myself. Trust that I am capable of committing to goals I truly care about while letting go of what no longer serves me—without feeling as a failure. Be kinder to myself. Enjoy the process instead of obsessing over the outcome.

There is no perfect place

For a long time, I believed that my dissatisfaction came from my surroundings. If I just moved somewhere else, things would finally fall into place.

But the truth is, no matter where I go, I take myself with me. And unless I learn to create opportunities where I am, I’ll always find excuses—blaming circumstances instead of taking action.

I still want to move out of this city, but I refuse to see it as the root of my unhappiness. A new place might be a better fit for me—or it might not. Either way, my happiness and progress depend on what I do, not just where I am.

Conditions will never be perfect. The timing will never be ideal. So I might as well just start.

Why quitting college means more time for art

Dropping out doesn’t mean I’ve lost interest in computer graphics. Quite the opposite. I’m leaving so I can dedicate more time to becoming the artist I want to be.

My time in college helped me explore different areas, and in the process, I found what truly excites me. But once I knew what I wanted, studying unrelated subjects felt like a waste of time.

Ultimately, what matters is the work itself. If my art is good, a degree is irrelevant. If my art is weak, no degree can compensate for that.

I already got what I needed from college: I found my direction.

Redefining success

Perhaps the most valuable lesson in all of this is that failure is not defined by how many things I have started and abandoned. It is defined by whether I learn from each experience and use that knowledge to move forward. Society often glorifies perseverance without questioning whether the path itself is still the right one. But success, in my newly formed opinion, is not about blindly sticking to a decision; it’s about having the courage to pivot when necessary.

I want to believe that dropping out of college twice does not make me a failure. What defines me is my commitment to my passions, my willingness to take risks, and my determination to build a future on my own terms. I am, and always will be, a lifelong learner. That won’t change just because I stopped attending classes.

Leaving college again was not an easy decision, but it was the right one—just as going back to college had been at the time.